Well... well, I guess the midget inside the robot anyway...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Ralph braced himself as he went to open the door, long enough to plaster on the fake smile he reserved for Holly's mother.
"Morag, you're looking lovely this--"
"Save it," she barked, pushing her way in.
Great. It was going to be one of those visits.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
"You know, it's the funniest thing-- after Paul puked up his Tingleberry Smoothie all over my chest and face, he like really started to open up. About his cousin's suicide. His fears of testicular cancer. His crippling childhood abuse... Anyway, long-story-short: that's why I like to say, Tingleberry's why we got married! Ah-hahahahaha!!"
"Well, I guess this means you're finally starting to get it," he sneered. "I mean, how many times do we have to go over this, Perseus? Look, I know you're new here, but, I have to say, seriously, honestly, no really, I'm sorry, but how hard could it possibly be to procure a Gorgon's head? It's a simple request. Twice a week. And that's really all I ask of you, isn't it?"
We've come this far together, thought Pimba, as she held Colonel Feathersworth one last time. They'd followed the powerlines North until they reached the city. But they both knew Pimba had to go it alone now. He'd only slow her down.
...damn it all, she'd make it to Hollywood for both of them.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Frankly, Nibbles didn't care one bit for their "joke," or the pointing or the cruel sound of their laughter. These people were supposed to be his friends, but if this is what they thought of him... well then he'd just leave the party right now. To hell with them all. He didn't need them. He didn't need anybody.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
During a lull in the party, O'Brien allowed himself just one quick glance. Anything more than that would have broken his heart. Sure, everyone loved the cheesy movie, but that's only because they didn't know what it was really like. Because they hadn't had to live through it.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
[Sigh.] "Naw, dude, I was gonna hit the bank this morning but, like, you know, I woulda had to get up at like 9... and like shower and get ready... I just wasn't feelin it, man. But I'll totally get you the rent check by like tomorrow at the latest. No worries. I just like-- like honestly? I just need like a day to myself, you know? I got a lot on my plate right now. Shit's crazy."
Monday, June 30, 2008
All the message said was, "North Stairwell. 2:15PM. Come alone." If he'd known it was a set-up, he never would have shown up. Elmo had gone rogue months ago, living off-the-grid, and now suddenly he was back? Well forget it. Whatever he wanted now could get them both killed.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
"Wait wait wait. What are you saying, Doctor? You're saying we're not biological brothers? You're telling me our mother lied to us for 34 years? Is that what you're trying to say? I'll have your license revoked, you fuckin quack! Come on, Teddy, we're leaving. Now."
Friday, June 27, 2008
"Top of the morning! I'm here about the position at the schoolhouse. Now I may not look like much and I may not be Ivy League educated. But I'll tell you something right now: I've taught my way clear across these Great Plains from Libertyville to Saltrock, and I'm here to do the same for you good folks if you'll find it in your hearts to give me a shot. Whaddaya say?"
Thursday, June 26, 2008
They stitched through the night, sharing their favorite stories and going through bottle after bottle of Chardonnay. Tom's patch would be the best in the entire quilt, and if Jerry refused to show up? Well that hardly surprised anyone. No doubt Jerry was back to cruising the bars, pretending the whole thing had never happened.
God, this guy's really let himself go. I mean, I've heard of a muffin top, but that shit's like a bundt cake served on an ass-platter. Enough. Stop soaping yourself up down there. It ain't gettin any cleaner, trust me. Ugh. He's got that nipple hair thing, like they're wearing false eyelashes and they're winkin at me. Disgusting. No, don't bend over. Don't bend over. Don't bend over. Don't-- ahhhhhh. You had to bend over. Wow, look at that fat crack, like the Mariana Trench. It's a wonder anything makes it out of that rat's nest. I wonder when anyone's going to notice this hair-clog in my throat. God, what I wouldn't give for a pint of Drano.
"I mean, I married Warren because he was so predictable. We just fit together, you know? But now, it's like, it's like-- even the sight of him coming home with that fucking little grin plastered on his face makes me want to puke. The problem is that he respects me, Amber: he respects me so much I can't leave him."