Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Wire, Season 6: The Airport.

What, you think he liked having to turn in his own partner?  
ButterScraps was a good man, a good cop.  A cop's cop. 
But now he knew where the missing crack-cocaine was stashed.  
He had no choice.
Don't you get that?  He didn't have a choice.

Friday, May 29, 2009

I Just Want Someone That Shares My Values.

"God in Heaven, Dr. Harmony, you mean you've deciphered all 27 Dimensions of Compatibility?  Do you have any idea what that means?!"

Wikipedia Entries From the Future...

The August 2014 outbreak of violent hysteria, which lasted 17 days and was never fully explained by scientists, inspired a popular trend of "panic culture," including the now headline-grabbing punk sensation, "The Japanese Clothes Explosion."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Terminator: the Hokkaido Prefecture Chronicles.

Niko sat dead still, sweat building on her forehead. Just breathe... she thought.
Its laser-blades can't see you if you don't move...
It was the very scenario she'd feared since they brought the LadyRoomba 3000 home.

HP Lovecraft Accurately Predicts the Internet.

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."   -- The Call of Cthulhu, 1928.

Personally, I vote dark age over going-mad-from-revelation, given the two.  But that's just me.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

You Want to Get Your Foot In at Mir, Don't You?

No, he was serious.  He was gonna talk to the temp agency.  No, he was, no listen, he was because this was not what he thought taking a temp job in space would be like.  At all, okay?

"Sir, This Contract Arrived from Hell for You."

Waking up in the lustful embrace of Satan every night like clockwork at 3:37am and satisfying his every carnal demand was a price Newt Gingrich was prepared to pay.
That first night, still sore and stinking of sulphur, he planned his 2012 acceptance speech.

Everyone Smile and Say "Criminal Liability!"

It was part of the deal he'd struck with the Coruscant D.A.'s Office: if he showed up at the hospital they'd waive the Jedi-Assault charges over the Incident last month with the grade-schoolers that had gotten in Lord Vader's way at the Starbucks.

A DreadWhimsy Special: " a production of..."

For Minions who appreciate a touch of specificity, I present a secondary picture blog dedicated to the fine art of the overly earnest theatre publicity picture: " a production of..."

Monday, May 18, 2009

Save It For the ACLU, Sweetheart.

Hey.  Look.  At the end of the day, it was just another mission.  
It was just targets on a map. 
So don't talk to him about 'civilian casualties.'  
"There are no civilians in this war, Debbie."  (Slamming down his Bud.)  "When you gonna get that, huh?"

They Say I Shouldn't Listen to YOU Anymore.

Dr. Frisby had been using the Inner-Me Costume exercise in therapy sessions with kids for years, with healthy results.
But, my God...  
Nothing he'd ever seen could prepare him for what was inside Cody Crenshaw, age 7.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Gremlins 3: The New Bitch.

They'd ignored the old Chinese man's words... 
But you try stopping Perez from eating after midnight.  
Now they had no one to blame but themselves.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Just Throw It On the DVD Extras.

"And the thing is, I kept telling them, 'You can't cut this scene, man.'  It's the key scene to understanding Wolverine's entire character arc.  I mean the whole Faking-His-Death-from-a-Hot-Air-Balloon is like Marvel Comics canon, man.  That is the origin story."

Thursday, May 7, 2009

It's Just What Their Kind Are Like.

They were going to prove to Mitch just how tolerant and liberal a family they really were. Even if it killed them.
Which, several drinks and an off-color joke later, it did.

Every Second of the Night, I Live Another Life.

It was the kind of dream that spoke volumes.
Yes. Today was the day.
After 20 years, he'd pick up the phone and make peace with Dad.

I Got You This Pamphlet.

Darcy would never blame Gill for his infertility.
But it ate at her, day and night.
And secretly... secretly, the thought of his defective testicles was enough to send her into a rage.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Has It Come to This, Old Friend?

The Coke bottle hung frozen in the air.
Pauly's chuckle was low and demonic.
"Did you really consider me so weak, Melvin?"
They both knew what came next.
Their mind-battle would last hours and destroy Brooklyn at the molecular level.

Stranger in a Strange Leotard.

"She came to our planet at a time when so many hard-working Americans had... had just given up, Danny. On our country and ourselves. And she taught us to fight again. And she gave us our faith back. And she could nuke countries we hated with her mind."

"For this we honor her."

Once, When I Was Young.

"You mean the stories Grandmama tells are true?"
"No.  God, no.  But this is what it's all based on.  Apparently, she sat on a stuffed polar bear.  Once.  As a child at a party.  And now, because of the Alzheimer's, she thinks she fought in a whole big arctic war over a compass or some nonsense."
"That's so sad..."
"Oh, I know, honey.  Sanity is such a fragile thing.  Let's cherish it. " Sigh.  
"...all right, come on then, she's seen us."

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Gulliver's Travels 2: Day of the Yahoos.

The Lilliputian Uprising had been a blood bath, not exactly the "peaceful takeover" they'd been sold by the media back home.  He'd lost good men liberating those little fuckers.  
But by the looks of it, this island was going to be a walk in the park.

It Says Here You Went to Yale.

Look, the company didn't hire her to spare people's feelings.  The company hired her to give the interview process a much-needed shot of frank, honest feedback.  
So if Samantha thought Ted Bumsby was a pass for VP of Acquisitions, he was a Pass. End of interview.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Let Me Give You A Little Word of Advice.

It got hard towards the end, letting go.  
Don't be a such rookie, Kimber, she told herself.  
You know damn well you don't ever let yourself get attached. 
But.  I mean-- Rodney in 407 wasn't just some patient.
In so many ways, by the end... hadn't he really saved her?