Unfair-a Faucet.

God, this guy's really let himself go.  I mean, I've heard of a muffin top, but that shit's like a bundt cake served on an ass-platter.  Enough.  Stop soaping yourself up down there.  It ain't gettin any cleaner, trust me.  Ugh.  He's got that nipple hair thing, like they're wearing false eyelashes and they're winkin at me.  Disgusting.  No, don't bend over.  Don't bend over.  Don't bend over.  Don't-- ahhhhhh.  You had to bend over.  Wow, look at that fat crack, like the Mariana Trench.  It's a wonder anything makes it out of that rat's nest.  I wonder when anyone's going to notice this hair-clog in my throat.  God, what I wouldn't give for a pint of Drano.