Right in the middle of the Inauguration, Barack suddenly thought of the moment it all started: his 10th birthday, when he'd asked the robot if he could wish for anything. And the robot had said: "Yes you can." 
Ralph braced himself as he went to open the door, long enough to plaster on the fake smile he reserved for Holly's mother. 
God, he couldn't even look at her. It had started off innocently enough. She worked at Starbucks. She made a joke about the size of his Americano. She liked it rough in bed. Why did he always go for the ones he didn't have to respect?
He could never admit to anyone that he still thought of the bear sometimes, and always right in the middle of sex with Debbie.
"You know, it's the funniest thing-- after Paul puked up his Tingleberry Smoothie all over my chest and face, he like really started to open up. About his cousin's suicide. His fears of testicular cancer. His crippling childhood abuse... Anyway, long-story-short: that's why I like to say, Tingleberry's why we got married! Ah-hahahahaha!!"
This was NOT how their office holiday party was supposed to end. Not again.
He didn't give a goddamn about the "Lower 48ers" and their f-ing election. Never had, never would. He was gonna be there. At the airport. When the Governor's plane landed. He was gonna be there to shake her hand.
"Well, I guess this means you're finally starting to get it," he sneered. "I mean, how many times do we have to go over this, Perseus? Look, I know you're new here, but, I have to say, seriously, honestly, no really, I'm sorry, but how hard could it possibly be to procure a Gorgon's head? It's a simple request. Twice a week. And that's really all I ask of you, isn't it?"
Was this really the best way Uncle Chuck could think of to teach them about the Water Cycle? Timmy didn't think so, but he was just too polite to interrupt.
Dr. Arbogast had a good point: her 8th birthday probably wasn't anything like she was remembering it. Well shit, thought Natalya. If I made that up, what the hell else was a total lie?
Mitzy and Puffin looked at each other. Neither one said a word. But let's get real: it was never going to be their turn to jump rope.
After all they'd been through together, all the memories, they each swore they'd keep in touch after Beijing. But. Well. Even Huang Fu didn't really believe it would happen.
It was a lesson Little John learned early back on the family compound: the slower the creature, the quicker they fell for sweet, sweet bait-meat. And lynchings. That too.
Bruce caught his reflection in a mirror on the way out the door. How many nights? he thought to himself. How many motherpuggin' nights does it take to clean up this town?
They tried to clear their minds but it was too late. Gozer had already chosen the form the Wall Street Crisis would take.
Frankly, Nibbles didn't care one bit for their "joke," or the pointing or the cruel sound of their laughter. These people were supposed to be his friends, but if this is what they thought of him... well then he'd just leave the party right now. To hell with them all. He didn't need them. He didn't need anybody.
Eventually Amanda gave in. If she was going to be Mrs. Copperfield from now on, she was going to have to get used to the way David lived.
With the American economy finally "taken care of," Keiko and Julie knew it was time to finally go public and announce the birth of their unholy reign of terror.
Facebook had taught Wayne a cruel lesson. There was just no way to fake a "candid" self-pic.
