Make Way for Gypsies.

The Puddleduck Boys knew the routine by now.  Jemima had taught them well: white liberals were suckers for a street show.  No more hocking Hershey's on the A, C, E for them.  And no more of this stale bread bullshit.  Tonight they were hitting Applebee's and hitting it hard.

Tickle Me Anus.

Later they'd chalk it up to being in college.  Just one of those "theatre party" things.  No biggee.

Hilton Heels.

Paris loved new puppies.  Paris loved new shoes.  Paris got bored easily with puppies and shoes.  Problem solved.

Why Won't You Return My Calls?

Fine, they'd had their forbidden Summer, but now this had to end. She was a married woman, for god's sake. I mean, dammit, how dare he just come to her house like this?

Oh god... please don't do be like this, when we both know you only loved me for my nuts. 

(But even she didn't believe that.)

OJ Did It.

When a strongly worded letter to Tropicana isn't enough.

A Jihad of Giggles.

They'd found Tinky-Winky hanging from the ceiling by his own purse-strap, a note for each of them left on the desk. God, he'd wanted to believe so badly he could change what he was.

Now they each knew... It was time to take the hurt to Jerry Falwell.

I Lied About the Pic-a-Nic.

Yogi was hoping if they just sat down and talked, honestly for once, things would work out.  But the truth was Boo-Boo wasn't really that honest.  Or emotionally stable.  Or sober.  Oh, man, this was totally gonna be one of those kind of break-ups.

Confessions on a Futon.

It'd be one thing if she could at least brag that he was hung like a horse.  But let's be honest, she couldn't even do that.

How Do You Take It?

What a lark!  What a bit of whimsy, to serve tea in such a manner! thought Darla.  ...but an appalling silence quickly fell over the room.  

Needless to say, it was the last time Richard's parents ever came to visit.

Hiroshima Mon Amour 2: Nagasaki Mon Amour.

Professor Yamamoto's Masterful Automaton could run faster than any automobile, punch a fist through a brick wall, and record the great symphonies of the world.  But stop an atom bomb?  Well.  No...  No, apparently, he couldn't do that.

A Quantum of Pigeon.

Gertie stared at the skinned, rotating corpses, her face stoic.  It was too late to save them.  She'd have to mourn later.  Tonight-- tonight she'd put a bullet in the Colonel herself.

Robots You Can Believe In.

Right in the middle of the Inauguration, Barack suddenly thought of the moment it all started: his 10th birthday, when he'd asked the robot if he could wish for anything.  And the robot had said: "Yes you can."  

Well... well, I guess the midget inside the robot anyway...

If You Want to Know What She'll Look Like in 30 Years...

Ralph braced himself as he went to open the door, long enough to plaster on the fake smile he reserved for Holly's mother.  

"Morag, you're looking lovely this--" 

"Save it," she barked, pushing her way in.  

Great.  It was going to be one of those visits.

The End of the Affair.

God, he couldn't even look at her.  It had started off innocently enough.  She worked at Starbucks.  She made a joke about the size of his Americano.  She liked it rough in bed.  Why did he always go for the ones he didn't have to respect?

Nature vs. Nurture.

He could never admit to anyone that he still thought of the bear sometimes, and always right in the middle of sex with Debbie.  

One Protein Scoop Over the Line.

"You know, it's the funniest thing-- after Paul puked up his Tingleberry Smoothie all over my chest and face, he like really started to open up.  About his cousin's suicide.  His fears of testicular cancer.  His crippling childhood abuse...  Anyway, long-story-short: that's why I like to say, Tingleberry's why we got married!  Ah-hahahahaha!!"

"We Told Her We'd Stop Whenever She Said So."

This was NOT how their office holiday party was supposed to end.  Not again.

Pride in Aleutians.

He didn't give a goddamn about the "Lower 48ers" and their f-ing election.  Never had, never would.  He was gonna be there.  At the airport.  When the Governor's plane landed.  He was gonna be there to shake her hand.

The Kraken Wears Prada.

"Well, I guess this means you're finally starting to get it," he sneered.  "I mean, how many times do we have to go over this, Perseus?  Look, I know you're new here, but, I have to say, seriously, honestly, no really, I'm sorry, but how hard could it possibly be to procure a Gorgon's head?  It's a simple request.  Twice a week.  And that's really all I ask of you, isn't it?"

The Long Goodbye.

We've come this far together, thought Pimba, as she held Colonel Feathersworth one last time.  They'd followed the powerlines North until they reached the city.  But they both knew Pimba had to go it alone now.  He'd only slow her down.  

...damn it all, she'd make it to Hollywood for both of them.