Summertime... and the Killing is Easy.

He'd glimpsed the future of Summertime: "...the children... my God... the children... th-th-the horror!!! YOG-SOTHOTH!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Meow Mix.

"This place is busted." 

"Totes busted." 

"I don't give a shizz about these hater bitches, yo. I came to get down." 

"That catnip was craaaazy, son!" 

"I told you, I got a guy in the Valley." 

"What?!" 

"In the Valley! I got a guy in the Valley!" 

"These clowns can't even handle my moves, son." 

"Naw, this place is busted, yo."

"The Modem of Christ Compels You!"

After what she saw Tuesday night, Lauren let her stepdaughter go online for just as long as she wanted.  Anything to keep Shiloh from getting angry again.  Anything but that.

Care Bares.

It only took one of them to start it off, and then the annual teddy bears' picnic got a whole lot more interesting.

You Can't Get Pregnant the First Time, Baby.

The stupid corsage.  The limo rental.  The peach Schnapps. She was gonna molt for him tonight or she could walk her ass home from Prom.

Mary Poppins Reboot, Directed by Neil LaBute.

"That'll be quite enough of that," Michael said, giving her a quick, sharp lick of his hand.  "If I say I'm to have a gin-and-tonic served promptly at 5, Mary, that's the way it's to be.  Perhaps you didn't read that part of the letter we sent up the chimney."

Babysitting Ruth?

She could already smell the kid from the front door, like wet cabbage.  Oh great, Heather thought, nobody told me it was going to be one those babysitting gigs.

Mother of Invention.

Grandma was never the same after the stroke.

Friday, 7:48 PM

Wally sighed and looked at the wall clock again.  It was still early.  He could still go out.  I mean, really, what good's a paycheck with no one to spend it on?

The Parent Trap.

That last couple hadn't really lived up to Freddie's expectations. This time he'd do better.

Mommy Nearest.

If she'd just turn around, he'd call out to her. He knew in his heart that even after all these years, if she just looked at him, she'd recognize her own son. If she'd just turn around.

Ain't Nothing But a G-Rated-Thing, Baaaby.

Nana had two choices. Either way, the diaper was getting changed.

Cock and Balls.

If Brewster thought he was above playing dirty, that rooster was about to get himself schooled. Monty was pure Brazilian cock. And this right here was his barnyard ball game, son.

The Smell of Asparagus.

Note to Self: Do NOT drink the tap water in Silverlake.

Chicken of the Sea.

Catching crabs from that frat boy over Spring Break in Cabo was SO much worse than Pheobe had ever expected. SO much worse.

Schnauzer's List.

Three illegitimate kids, avoiding child-support payments, the endless parade of cheap STD-heavy one-night-stands... Rex had seen enough. It was time Kirk McDowell was neutered for the good of humanity.

The People vs. Big Toy Corporation.

Was it a coincidence that Barney's dad was a lawyer? Was it a coincidence that he'd sent his son to play in the park that day? Was it a coincidence that Barney's dad needed to win a case?

My, What Sharp Childhood Neuroses You Have.

Dr. Goldenblatt promised Cindy that the thing under the bed was just a "deep-seated projection of her anger about her parents' divorce." Well, that was all fine, but it still didn't answer why it sang to her at night about the sweet sweet taste of puppy flesh.

Ho! Ho! Lunch break.

There were times for Frank Rafferty when the simple joy of a child's Christmas laughter compensated for minimum wage. This was not one of those times.

Oh Make Me Over.

This school year things were gonna be different, starting with his phunky-phresh new look.  So goodbye, Marty Finkel, eighth grade loser. Hello, DJ Doughboy Smoov.