DreadWiki: Burke & Hare, the Resurrectionists.

Behold, my minions, the dark and hideous reign of the Resurrection Men of Glasgow, Scotland. [Winter, 1827 - Winter 1828]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burke_and_Hare

"As medical science began to flourish in the early 19th century, demand [for cadavers] rose sharply, but at the same time, the only legal supply of cadavers—the bodies of executed criminals—had fallen due to a sharp reduction in the execution rate... William Burke and William Hare... sold the corpses of their 17 victims to the Edinburgh Medical College for dissection..."

[artwork: Adam Ford]

Upon his execution, William Burke's cadaver was publicly dissected at the Edinburgh Medical College and his tanned skin was used to bind a book, still on display...

DreadVid: The Real Amityville Horror.

"It is probably one of the most haunted homes in the world. It's certainly one of the most publicized haunted homes."

-- Lorraine Warren, Paranormal Investigator.

"They produced a beautiful, commercial scam."

-- William Weber, DeFeo Family attorney.

Acquired Tastes.

The more bored Richie Rich became, the more dangerous.

And now that he had a taste for human flesh, no one was safe.

The price of human testicles was high.

The price of denying Richie his favorite snack was higher.

A Matter of Homeland Security.

Minninnewah and Kuckunniwi were master craftsmen.
Their pale-faced android was flawless.
He would infiltrate the White Man's Congress seemlessly.
And then, at the perfect moment, they'd detonate the torso-bomb.

Boycotts Are For Quitters.

Mary-Anne sighed, satisfied.
She was sure David Letterman would follow her suggestions.
And if he didn't, well, then, she'd just keep sending strongly-worded letters.
And if that didn't work, well, then, she'd just reach out to her women's militia group and have his people killed.
Simple as that.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

She's Not There.
Begin Here, The Zombies (1964)

The Day the Earth Stared Awkwardly.

A ripple of giggles ran through the crowd around the UFO.
Filthy 'humans.' He would not stand such an insult!
They would come to fear his Holy Name, starting now.
"Tremble, Men of Earth! For I am Pubicon of Candypax!"

99 Problems But a Bitch Ain't One.

Frankly, she disgusted him.
If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was clinginess.
You wanted to be his woman, you better get that straight.
That was just how Skeletor rolled.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Let It Be.

Let It Be, The Beatles (1970)

[As performed by Miloatsale's music box]

You Can Taste the Love in Every Bite.

It meant shutting down production, but what could Larry do?

Sure, he ran the processing plant, but it was a family-owned business.

And if Young Miss Meriwether-Smith insisted on kissing each and every lamb goodbye before they hit the slaughterhouse floor, so be it.

The Children Are Sleeping Now.

Well, what could Eleanor tell the other parents?

Ahtsy-Fahtsy was a world-renowned theatre clown.

He'd trained at the premier clowning academies.

She'd spent a small fortune to book him for Alicia's 4th birthday.

It wasn't her fault the kids reacted that way, was it?

Amnesty Unintentional.

When Ayumi heard about the City's plans to erect a statue in honor of the victims of human trafficking, she'd expected something with a little more... I don't know, dignity?

Things Better Left Unsaid.

Marcus slid the old photo back into Grandpapa's cigar box.
He'd keep the old man's secret. It was better that way.
But he'd never look him in the eye again.

Take Him Away and Have Him Drained.

All this "everything in moderation" toff was for the masses.

Save it for the pamphlets.

Truth was, when Ben saw something he wanted, he took it by force.

He was a damn vicious prick of a man and, by God, he liked it that way.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Chim Chim Cher-ee.

Mary Poppins, the Sherman Brothers. (1964)

[as performed by WS64.]

Her Whole Bollocks "Holiday Abroad" Idea.

No, this was bloody-well not how the Great Glass Elevator was meant to run. And if she'd just give him a sodding minute to find the intercom, he'd have Factory Security.

Honestly, you step off the tour two minutes to find a bloody toilet...

Nine Lives. All Public.

He'd fought to move up from cat food commercials for so long.

To be taken seriously as a dramatic lead.

And finally he got the call from Dick Wolf.

But all this press... had happened so fast.

WhiskeyMittens had hard lessons ahead.

Nothing was sacred to the paparazzi.

The Temporal Anomalies Started with the Goats.

No one seemed to want to talk about what was happening to the ranch.

Maybe no one else was even noticing.

What if no else is noticing, Garret?

How long you just gonna ignore the space-time distortions plaguing your family's farm?

"It's Okay, Polly, You're Remembering."

Their eyes locked in the moon-light.

The dog knew why she'd snuck out.

He seemed to shake his head. Tsk tsk tsk. 13 and smoking...

But in that second they also knew.

It was cool.

They were good.

Signs 2: More Signs.

"If you ask me, what I say happened to that Jenkins kid over in 27D...? That was a sign. No, I know. But what if it was a sign of her Ascension? No, I know. I'm just saying... what if it was only a demonstration... of Palin's true powers, Jake?"

Transformers 3: Why We Fight.

Sure he still thought about Cybertron.

He'd had a life before all this... insanity, you know.

He'd had a job... a pretty decent studio apartment...

Man, what the hell have we become?

This endless, senseless war... I'm not even me anymore.

I, (Your Name), Promise To Do My Best.

The merit badge for Innuendo was one of the hardest to pull off.

Dicky knew he faced stiff competition from the other Webelos.

Don't worry. He took it in the end.

But only after Scout Master Johnson had fully drilled him on his oral exam.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Dance of the SugarPlum Fairies.

Nutracker Suite, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. (1892)

[performed on glass harp by Robert Tiso]

Scrub the Pain Away.

She hardly ever thought about Michael Jackson anymore.

I mean, who had the time?

Not her, that's for sure.

What, you think she still thought about him?

Well fuck you, you're wrong.

Because she didn't.

I mean, who even had the time?

The Once and Future Queens.

Dr. Porter had seen his share of "complicated" births before, but still.

Maintaining his icy professionalism, he asked:

"Have you... picked out names for... for them?"

He leaned in to hear the exhausted mother.

"...my little angels... Mary Kate and Ashley..."

DreadWiki: The Moberly-Jourdain Incident.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moberly-Jourdain_incident

"A time slip is an alleged paranormal phenomenon in which a person, or group of people, travel through time through supernatural (rather than technological) means."

"...in a production of..."

My Dearest Minions:

If you have not yet seen it, I urge you to celebrate your own inner awkward theatre-kid at my no-less-loved secondary blog, "...in a production of..."

There you will find a tribute to the tragically earnest art form of the theatre publicity photo.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Ben.

Michael Jackson. (1972)

DreadVid: The Importance of Science Fiction.

"Nine legendary authors present their ideas on why SF is important to readers and what it teaches them. These excerpts are from a series of interviews and lectures done from 1968-1978 by Prof. James Gunn at the University of Kansas."

DreadWiki: The "Bloop."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bloop



"The Bloop is the name given to an ultra-low frequency underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration several times during the summer of 1997. The source of the sound remains unknown..."

They Take Our Women, They Take Our Jobs.

You know, Jurek still had his pride.

He'd beg in the streets for bread.

He'd sing and dance for loose change.

But he'd be God-damned if he'd accept handouts from one of them.

You Can Fly, You Can Fly, You Can Fly.

Apparently there were like new laws or something about throwing pixie dust in kids' faces and urging them to jump out third-story windows.

God, this used to be so much easier back in the day, thought Peter.

The Devil Wears Pampers.

"Gentlemen, I'll expect your answer by noon tomorrow."

Little Timmy Farber snapped the briefcase shut and toddled out of the boardroom.

What choice did they have? He had a controlling share.

No one had seen the hostile take-over coming. No one.

Tell The Children I Went on Holiday.

It was a shame the yams had turned out so badly.

All in all, it had been a perfect Christmas up to then.

But Peggy knew.

It was her time to go out behind the woodshed.

"NO! Just Shut Your Mouth! Just Shut Up!"

Shit, man, you know? Sometimes he just needed some goddamned space.

The bike had been a good call.

Before, he'd always taken it out on Wanda and the kids.

Now... now he had an escape.

Single-handedly saved their marriage, honest-to-God.

"You SURE You've Never Played Before?"

It was Ricardo's signature move.

Compliment her on "her form"...

...get behind her, work on the back-hand.

Within an hour, they'd be back at his bungalow for Bloody Mary's and a handjob.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Super Mario Brothers 2: End Theme.

Koji Kondo. (1986)

[performed by banksta2 on YouTube]

He Came For Them in the Night.

Mr. Peanut always gained the parents' trust first.

These small-town yokels were so easily blinded by his Old World charm.

A week later, he'd be gone.

So would the children.

The Secret Life of Dogs.

There was something so unfair about the way Clifford died.

His life had been so... well, Big.

And the virus had been so small.

Connie, Don't Be Silly, You Look Great.

Ohmygod, she'd practically starved herself all winter long for this, but who's kidding who: there was no hiding this muffin top.

So, no way.

She'd stay right here in the pool until Marcus Fitch and his friends left.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Simon Smith & His Amazing Dancing Bear.
Alan Price Set. (1967)

One Classical Monologue, One Contemporary.

The best part was the hours were flexible, so he could still make open-call auditions.
It's just to make rent, Robbie, he told himself.
It's not who you are.

He's Not Returning My Pages.

The worst part about doing coke was that there was never enough.

But let's face it, there wasn't enough coke in the world to make Paulina forget what happened that night in Minneapolis.

You Knew What I Was Like When You Said Yes.

"Hey, you know what? D'you like that lavish wedding we just had, Amber? You like the penthouse my job paid for in Westwood? Oh you do? Oh, well okay then, so I guess you don't have a problem with me checking my e-mail during our honeymoon after all, huh."

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

I'll Follow the Sun.

The Beatles, Beatles For Sale. (1964)
[Performed by the talented Adrian Holovaty of Chicago:

http://www.youtube.com/user/adrianholovaty ]

You'll Be Safe Here Now, Try to Rest.

Who could Tenille even talk to about the hallucinations?!

About the "people only she could see."

Look, she wasn't crazy. And I know: only crazy people say they're not crazy, but, I mean, she wasn't crazy, you guys.

"We're Getting Reports of a Massive Space-craft..."

Looking back, was the short enslavement of humanity by our alien overlords, Mieux-Mieux and Praxis, really such a "reign of terror," the way the cable news media's trying portray it?

Let's not re-write history. It wasn't all that bad.

Not Without My Swine Flu.

Jing-Wei was coughing by the time they reached the outskirts of the city, but Lien couldn't let her sister rest. Not for a minute. Not for a second.

Not until they made it past the quarantine zone.

Not until they warned the outside world.

+ Add-As-Lover.

The website compiled all of Tiffany's preferences, browser history, cookies, tweets, iTunes and Amazon purchases and selected Latex Mould CM#473-S.

Three to five shipping days later, Dakota Cody Dylan knocked on the front door.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Halfway Down the Stairs.
Robin the Frog, The Muppet Show. (1976)

[Lyrics from a poem by A.A. Milne.]

Just One Day Out of Life.

Oh, what the fuck, thought Carter. It was Pride Weekend, after all.

Let the world see what they liked in the bedroom. We're all adults.

Spread the Dread.

Like some starving woodland beast drawn to the sound of fat children gossiping by a riverbank, Professor DreadWhimsy cannot resist the siren song of this "Twitter."

Follow me, Minions, and tell your friends:

BEHOLD! The DreadWhimsy Twitters.

"You Know What They Say: You Bark, You Narc."

"Naw, I don't like this--"

"--just chill, dogg--"

"Naw, Kapowski's been in there too long. They found the wire."

"They didn't find the wire--"

"They found the wire, man."

"Just chill. All right? Let me think."

"The Year is One!"

My Dearest Minions:

Thank you for ONE YEAR of whimsy and dread.
This week last summer, these chronicles of despair were begun, and like some sticky larval creature plucked from underneath a flagstone, taken home in a shoebox, and secretly raised in your closet, it has grown unexpectedly into something fearful.

Continue to send pictures of mirth and woe.
Continue to tell your highly-suggestible friends.
Continue your hideous transformation.

And wipe that smile off your face.

In Due Sincerity,
Professor Adrian DreadWhimsy.

DreadWhimsy Jukebox.

Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter.

Herman's Hermits. (1965)

Itsy Bitsy.

Tabitha'd talked about the spider behind the woodshed for weeks.
But Mommy just drank her "Shardo-nay" and told Tabby to stop lying. Like her father.
Well, Tabby was tired of Mommy's Shardo-nay mouth.
And things were about to change around here.

The God of Small Royalty Checks.

Anuja couldn't believe they talked her into the reunion.

Hadn't they made enough money off their one hit single?

Yes, Hello? (Dance! Dance! Dance!) had put her through university. In the States.

Sigh... "One night only, Romesh. Then I'm on a plane back to London."

"Oh! Krissy! Show Dr. Goldberg Your Act!"

A terrible hush fell over the dinner party.

Mrs. Poppler quickly offered everyone a coffee?

Or a brandy?

Or a scotch-and-soda?

Anything to take attention away from the Holocaust joke Miss Spunkypluck had suddenly blurted out.

Tell Me About Your Background.

Point is, he didn't care if it made a "good story."

If it made him "stand out from the crowd."

Growing up on the Compound... it just... wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to talk about during a college interview.

Not even to get into Wake Forest.