Monday, June 30, 2008
All the message said was, "North Stairwell. 2:15PM. Come alone." If he'd known it was a set-up, he never would have shown up. Elmo had gone rogue months ago, living off-the-grid, and now suddenly he was back? Well forget it. Whatever he wanted now could get them both killed.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
"Wait wait wait. What are you saying, Doctor? You're saying we're not biological brothers? You're telling me our mother lied to us for 34 years? Is that what you're trying to say? I'll have your license revoked, you fuckin quack! Come on, Teddy, we're leaving. Now."
Friday, June 27, 2008
"Top of the morning! I'm here about the position at the schoolhouse. Now I may not look like much and I may not be Ivy League educated. But I'll tell you something right now: I've taught my way clear across these Great Plains from Libertyville to Saltrock, and I'm here to do the same for you good folks if you'll find it in your hearts to give me a shot. Whaddaya say?"
Thursday, June 26, 2008
They stitched through the night, sharing their favorite stories and going through bottle after bottle of Chardonnay. Tom's patch would be the best in the entire quilt, and if Jerry refused to show up? Well that hardly surprised anyone. No doubt Jerry was back to cruising the bars, pretending the whole thing had never happened.
God, this guy's really let himself go. I mean, I've heard of a muffin top, but that shit's like a bundt cake served on an ass-platter. Enough. Stop soaping yourself up down there. It ain't gettin any cleaner, trust me. Ugh. He's got that nipple hair thing, like they're wearing false eyelashes and they're winkin at me. Disgusting. No, don't bend over. Don't bend over. Don't bend over. Don't-- ahhhhhh. You had to bend over. Wow, look at that fat crack, like the Mariana Trench. It's a wonder anything makes it out of that rat's nest. I wonder when anyone's going to notice this hair-clog in my throat. God, what I wouldn't give for a pint of Drano.
"I mean, I married Warren because he was so predictable. We just fit together, you know? But now, it's like, it's like-- even the sight of him coming home with that fucking little grin plastered on his face makes me want to puke. The problem is that he respects me, Amber: he respects me so much I can't leave him."
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Barbie stared at herself in the filthy Motel Six bathroom mirror. Fucking Ken... Mr. I-Don't-Like-to-Wear-a-Condom. Looks like you don't like to pay for your own mistakes either, she thought bitterly. Well maybe tomorrow she'd just "get it to go" and mail it "return to sender." We'll see how funny he finds that.
After the screaming stopped, they stared at each other in a stunned, shocked silence. They had no choice-- they couldn't have let him go to Lord Licorice with those photographs, but now look what they'd done! My God, they were murderers. His gummy was on all their hands.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Once the chatter died down, Edwina cleared her throat and made herself heard: "Well. I don't know how you all feel about it," she said icily, "but frankly, I don't care much for the thought of those breeds of dog moving into the kennel beside mine." She was only saying what they were all thinking.
"This place is busted."
"I don't give a shizz about these hater bitches, yo. I came to get down."
"That catnip was craaaazy, son!"
"I told you, I got a guy in the Valley."
"In the Valley! I got a guy in the Valley!"
"These clowns can't even handle my moves, son."
"Naw, this place is busted, yo."
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
"That'll be quite enough of that," Michael said, giving her a quick, sharp lick of his hand. "If I say I'm to have a gin-and-tonic served promptly at 5, Mary, that's the way it's to be. Perhaps you didn't read that part of the letter we sent up the chimney."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Dr. Goldenblatt promised Cindy that the thing under the bed was just a "deep-seated projection of her anger about her parents' divorce." Well, that was all fine, but it still didn't answer why it sang to her at night about the sweet sweet taste of puppy flesh.